Magic: The Gathering’s latest expansion pack pits the attractions of Jurassic Park against a Disney theme park ride turned movie franchise.

If you, like me, are a fan of the hypothetical Mortal Kombat-like showdowns between historical warriors, ultimately determined by a spreadsheet algorithm (despite gloriously hammy re-enactments), you’ll have likely come across Deadliest Warrior. If you haven’t, check it out. It started off pretty serious, pitting historical forces against each other, before leaning into the delicious haminess (totally a word) and making vampires fight zombies, Teddy Roosevelt vs Lawrence of Arabia, and Somali Pirates vs Medellin Drug Cartel.

Basically, it became closer to Epic Rap Battles of History more so than a show grounded in any sort of historical seriousness.

I hope the creators of Ixalan, the latest expansion for Magic: The Gathering took inspiration from these kind of showdowns.  I recently attended an event in Sydney to celebrate the launch of Ixalan, and was asked to choose between pirate or dinosaur factions. I chose pirate, and that may have proven to be a mistake, as I was annihilated in every game I played. That’s likely because I had a dodgy hand more than anything, but it didn’t help that my bad luck kicked into full effect from the outset. I drew seven land in my first match. After shuffling. Go figure.

You can check out a video from the night below, which includes a few brief background appearances of yours truly. Just look out for the guy with the pirate-y beard, which I totally grew for the purposes of the event, and not just because I’m lazy and don’t like to shave.

The Ixalan expansion released late last week, and for those interested, there’s a limited run of buy-a-box booster offer, which includes this stuff:

  • Four rares or mythic rares (from Standard-legal sets)
  • Two foil basic lands (illustrated by Rebecca Guay)
  • Two foils of any rarity (from Standard-legal sets)
  • 1 foil Burning Sun’s Avatar

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